my chunka-punk

I know the name 'chunka-punk' is probably not the nicest nickname you want to get stuck with, my sweet little Zayda, but it's stuck. I tried to make jelly bean stick, but you're just not a jelly bean. Your a chunka-punk...and a nugget. Those two are on you, unless you manage to look a lot less chunka-y and nugget-y, then those are your nick names for now. If you want something cutesy sweet, then you are gonna have to go to your daddy and he can call you Princess or whatever! Yesterday, my little chunka-punk had her 2 month well-baby appointment and she is 16 lbs and 25 inches long. That is 99% for weight, and 93% for height. Goodness! Growing so fast, I just can not help it. I just want to hold her and will her to stop growing for a little bit. I still think that she is making herself do all of her growing right now, before daddy leaves so that when daddy goes, she will stop growing and he'll get the same size baby girl back! Just watch, she is going to be our petite, skinny little nugget when she is older. Ahhhh, my nugget, I can't wait to watch you grow through out the years!

dad dad dad dad dad

It is crazy to think how at such a young age, Steven is already very aware of us and what we say. I did not think that Steven would be so intuitive about Jason leaving. But at 23 months, he is already full aware that his daddy is not here. The weeks up to daddy leaving, his attitude and his sleep were definetly affected. But now that daddy is gone, I think he can tell that daddy is not coming home tonight so there is no reason for him to wake up in the middle of the night. That's not to say that he does not think of daddy all the time. Today, was the cutest thing, he sat there and had a 5 minute running conversation with a photo of his daddy. Every once in a while he would turn to me, and point at me and say a couple of words as if to reafirm what he was saying. Then for a few minutes he just looked at the photo and said, "dad" over and over again. He misses his daddy and I can't wait to see what he does when he sees him again :)

It's all gonna be okay!

In some respects, the next month is almost gonna be harder then the actual deployment. Think about it....it's long enough that you miss your husband *or daddy* terribly but short enough that you can't really get into a routine to just deal with the day. I'm already at the point of "let's just get the deployment party started" so I am really not looking forward to this next month. But at the end of the day, all I have to do is look at my sweet family and think of my loving husband and all that he does for us and it gives me what I need to get through the next day and the next until we can all be together again.

Are you there God? It's me, Jennifer.

I'm not an outwardly religious person. I don't like to push my beliefs on people and I don't like them to be pushed on me. A lot of that is because I really am a religously awkward person, not ever having grown up around someone who was "into" that. I don't like to pray out loud and it always makes me uncomfortable when people ask me to; generally I just say no and end up looking like a putz because I won't even vocalize a prayer.
But, God and I talk a lot. I generally have a running conversation with Him when I am having a quiet moment. I like to pray to Him when I am holding my children, or laying next to my sleeping husband. I like to pray to Him when I am cooking dinner, or driving to the grocery store. Most times, there is no "Dear God" or "Amen" because this way I feel like I can just talk, and I am being heard. But sometimes, I do like the formality of a "Dear God..."

Dear God,
I want to thank you for watching over me and my family. Thank you for my beautiful son and daughter. Thank you for helping me help them to be happy and healthy. Thank you for my husband and his constant love and support. I want to thank you for continuing to watch over my loved ones and their families who always need you during these trying times. We are coming upon a difficult time in my families life and I want to ask that you continue to watch over my husband and my family. As we embark on this deployment in the coming months, I am asking that you help us keep our Faith strong. Please help my husband to seek out your Words and be comforted by You. My husband has always turned to his Faith, and the Bible and Church when things sometimes seem overwhelming and I know that he will need You now more then ever. I'm asking that You please help me to continue to grow strong in my journey to know and understand You and Your teachings and to teach them to my children. Please watch over my husband while he is gone from us. Please give him the knowledge to do a good job and be great and take care of himself in a physical, mental and spiritual way until he can come home and I can do that for him once again. I know, God, that we are but small people in your humble eyes, but I ask that you cast them upon my family and I and watch over us. Thank you for all that you do. Amen.

It's huntin' time.....

Easter time! I was so resisting getting the kids Easter baskets, because really, they don't even know what they are celebrating much less that the Easter baskets full of goodies are just an added bonus of the holiday. But Jason said I had to, so I did, and I'm glad I did. Here is just a few photos...not many, but a few of my faves. Steven really caught onto the fact that the eggs go in the basket and the eggs have JUNKFOOD in them. He doesn't get much of that, so when he does, he gets uber excited!








As you can tell by Zayda's photo, with daddy, Easter Sunday totally exhausted her!!

A million little firsts....

Today is one of those days, in the predeployment era, where I am feeling sorry for myself and my little family. You can only remind yourself so much that your husband is doing a great thing for his country and his family before it even begins to sound like bull-hickey to yourself. I can only remind myself that Jason and I had a completly rational discussion about the time apart that we would face before he decided to seek his commissioning as officer. We had told ourself it would be "OK". We made the choice to do this. Which we did and we are a proud military family; but today....it...just...blows.
Today I am focused on firsts. First everythings that are going to be missed.
The first tooth and the sharp little nub that you feel and every parent gets so excited about and wants to show off to everyone. The first real laugh-out-loud-laughter that makes your heart swell and burst with love that only a parent can feel. The first time she says "dada" and the fact that the person it is meant for is a million miles away and can't truly hear the slobbery, lilting tones of her voice. The first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday and Valentines Day that Zayda will get to dress up in some ridiculously silly outfit that she will only wear once and show off her cuteness. The first time she gets to hold a big turkey leg from the Thanksgiving turkey and try to take a bite and then have to settle for the mashed potatoes or some of Gramma's stuffing. The first Christmas that she stares at the Christmas tree with all of it's softly glowing lights, simply basking in the wonder of something that looks so magical to someone so young. Her first birthday, when she stares at the candle, not sure what to do with it and her mommy blows it out making the wish for her; "daddy, please come home soon!" Her first steps can only be caught on camera for daddy and hopefully mommy will be able to convey the wobbly sweetness of her pudgy legs taking those first unsure steps, only to see her face light up when she realizes what she is doing and how much quicker it will be for her to get from point A to point B. The first time she realizes she hates pureed carrots or peas or whatever. The first time she decides she doesn't want mama's milk anymore and just wants "big people" food. The first time she pulls herself up in her crib. The first time she throws a little baby tantrum. The first time she gets a little cold and just wants mama or dada to hold her.
And then his little man. How am I supposed to teach him to pee? That's my problem. I don't have the right equipment but we are going to have to work it out. He's not going to be here the first time he actually pees in a big boy potty like a big boy and realizes that he can spray stuff with his "equipment"! He won't be here to see me get all excited to put on his first pair of big boy underwear and see his little butt run away in some Thomas the Train underoos. Or the first time Steven says "I love you" and knows what he is saying.
All this in the forfront of my mind today and I can't make it go away. So I'm going to keep thinking about it until I find a way to deal. And for today, I am going to pack up my kiddos and take them to see Daddy on the ship and see what firsts we can do there. Because even tho that trek up to the ship, across the pier, is a major pain in mommy's butt, it's the least I can do to give him one more memory to take with him for the ones that he won't get to share with me.

Jason, I love you, and you will always be the better part of us for all the sacrifices you have made and will make.